Bad Monkey by Carl Hiaasen Download (read online) free eBook .pdf.epub.kindle

Bad Monkey

Carl Hiaasen is back doing what he does best: spinning a wickedly funny, fiercely pointed tale in which the greedy, the corrupt, and the degraders of pristine land in Florida–now, in the Bahamas too–get their comeuppance in mordantly ingenious, diabolically entertaining fashion.

Andrew Yancy–late of the Miami Police, soon-to-be-late of the Key West Police–has a human ar

Andrew Yancy–late of the Miami Police, soon-to-be-late of the Key West Police–has a human arm in his freezer. There’s a logical (Hiaasenian) explanation for that, but not for how and why it parted from its owner. Yancy thinks the boating-accident/shark-luncheon explanation is full of holes, and if he can prove murder, his commander might relieve him of Health Inspector duties, aka Roach Patrol. But first Yancy will negotiate an ever-surprising course of events–from the Keys to Miami to a Bahamian out island–with a crew of equally ever-surprising characters, including: the twitchy widow of the frozen arm; an avariciously idiotic real estate developer; a voodoo witch whose lovers are blinded-unto-death by her particularly peculiar charms; Yancy’s new love, a kinky medical examiner; and the eponymous Bad Monkey, who earns his place among Hiaasen’s greatest characters with hilariously wicked aplomb. 
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    Neal Sanders

    Jul 19, 2013

    rated it
    it was amazing

    Reading a Carl Hiaasen novel is a lot like watching a master pool player put nine balls into a rack, then casually chalk his cue. When he’s ready, he lines up his shot and then expertly smacks that little white cue ball into the other nine. You never know which balls are going to go where, and guessing isn’t going to help. What you want to do is just sit back and watch the master run the board.

    ‘Bad Monkey’ is Carl Hiaasen at his best. The satire flows in every paragraph, the word choices (and es

    ‘Bad Monkey’ is Carl Hiaasen at his best. The satire flows in every paragraph, the word choices (and especially the adjectives) convey Hiaasen’s justifiable contempt for a large swath of humanity. Like me, Hiaasen is a native Floridian and, also like me, he is appalled by what greed and empty-minded boosterism has done to the state. When Hiaasen sits down to write, you can be reasonably certain that there are crooked politicians and avaricious developers among the cast of characters. There is also frequently a hurricane. Readers of this book will not be disappointed on any of those counts.

    That pool rack of humanity in ‘Bad Monkey’ includes an honest cop who was fired from the Miami PD for being honest, a Bahamian voodoo queen, a fugitive former school teacher from Kansas who is not quite firing on all cylinders, a coroner with a taste for sex in unusual places, a Bahamas man whose home has been sold out from underneath him, a widow who has to conjure up thoughts of her squashed turtle to generate tears for her recently deceased husband, and a capuchin monkey named Driggs who may or may not have had a cameo appearance in Pirates of the Caribbean.

    The cue ball that Hiassen drives into this group is the discovery of a human arm, hauled in by a couple from Wisconsin honeymooning in the Florida Keys. Had the arm been landed in Miami, it would have been tossed in with the hundreds of other limbs that accumulate annually from drug deals gone bad or other illegal misadventures. And so as not to tarnish the Keys’ reputation as a wholesome family destination, Andrew Yancey of the Monroe County sheriff’s department (and late of the Miami PD) is tasked with foisting the arm on Miami’s law enforcement establishment.

    Thus begins a wonderful tale of good intentions – and not-so-good ones – gone horribly awry. There are no saints in this story (Hiaasen has no use for them). Yancey has been busted from the Monroe County force for wielding a powerful hand vacuum as an extremely dangerous weapon. His punishment is to become a restaurant inspector, and Hiaasen’s description of what Yancey finds in the course of his new job may put readers off dining out for an extended period.

    Part of the pleasure of reading Hiaasen is learning about things. ‘Bad Monkey’ provides a tutorial on Medicare fraud, ocean flycasting, the Dead Sailfish Scam, and the inner workings of the simian mind, among other tidbits of knowledge.

    The fun is in watching these individual story threads develop and play themselves out. As a reader, you know they’re going to merge; you just don’t know how, when, or with what result.

    ——–
    Neal Sanders is the author of six fun mysteries. You can read reviews of them here on Goodreads or Amazon.com, and read first chapters at www.TheHardingtonPress.com.

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    Robert

    Apr 05, 2013

    rated it
    liked it

    Shelves:
    robert-s-reads

    If I ever visit Key West, I’ll smuggle aboard enough food rations to last me twice as long as my planned stay, refrain from eating at any restaurant within a sixty-mile radius, catch my own fish from my hotel balcony, and cook them from my own grill on said balcony, setting off all smoke detectors in a three-room radius. To that end, I’ll probably increase my life expectancy by six years, and I won’t go to sleep with cockroach-filled nightmares.

    If writing zany characters were an occupation unto

    If writing zany characters were an occupation unto itself, Carl Hiaasen would have fit the requirements long ago and placed himself firmly within its trenches. This go round we are treated to a hairless capuchin monkey that was fired from Pirates Of The Caribbean and who developed an unhealthy attachment to Johnny Depp, hurls his own feces, and is addicted to Dunhill tobacco. He also subsists on conch fritters and other fried foods, most of which have his cholesterol levels shooting through the roof and have aided in his current hairless ailment; a daughter who sees dollar signs and would sell her soul to the devil himself for a million dollars instead of grieving over her deceased pa; a child sex offender named Plover Chase who exchanged grades in AP English for bedroom antics of a more than questionable nature; a Dragon Queen who likes to fornicate on a Rollie scooter; an assistant medical examiner who likes to have sex on her operating table amid sixty or so stiffs and in the middle of a hurricane; one sodomized surgeon; and a restaurant inspector who counts cockroaches with a homemade roach-vacuuming concoction.

    There’s enough satire and madness and mayhem to satisfy the attention span of a gnat with a Medicare scam large enough to interest the FBI, one spec house up in flames faster than a blowtorch applied to rice paper, questionable corpses, scorned ex-lovers, dubious alliances, and the ever lingering environmental issues found in many of his tales…You know, your typical Carl Hiaasen novel.

    While I can only speculate on his writing methods, it wouldn’t surprise me to learn he sits at his desk chair in a straitjacket pecking at his keyboard with the tip of his nose or dictating his stories into a voice recorder to be later typed by his secretary. And he does it all with a large grin and swag smile, inching up the chaos with each turn of the page. Because that’s exactly what happens here.

    While BAD MONKEY certainly held my attention and had more than its share of laugh out loud moments, I couldn’t help but compare this novel to his earlier work, and I felt like he came up a little short. But on the bright side, there’s more than enough fuckwads and shitweasels to occupy an entire wing at an insane asylum. And in the end, that was enough for me to like this tale.

    Cross-posted at Robert’s Reads
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    Mara

    Aug 06, 2014

    rated it
    it was ok

    This was actually my first foray into the works of Carl Hiaasen *gasp* – I know, it’s hard to believe. I can’t say I wasn’t forewarned† that Bad Monkey might not make a great first impression for Carl (beloved by many whose opinions I hold in high regard). But, I’ve been known to disregard good advice before, so I forged onward.

    “Have you ever been to Florida? It’s a criminal population. It’s America’s Australia.” – Jack Donaghy

    This is just one of the many facts about life I learned from Ja

    “Have you ever been to Florida? It’s a criminal population. It’s America’s Australia.” – Jack Donaghy

    This is just one of the many facts about life I learned from Jack Donaghy (30 Rock); and, seriously, in case you don’t follow the exploits of the faux superhero,

    Florida Man

    *, it’s kind of true. And, in many ways, this book is just one long series of Florida Man tropes, made extra special (for us literary folk) by their being located in
    Key West
    .


    Key West, Florida by Nate Padavick

    Our protagonist,
    Andrew Yancy
    , is a (former) cop, demoted to the position of food/health inspector, and trying to get back in good standing by hunting down the murderous source of an arm reeled in by tourists on a fishing charter. There are cheating wives (of the money grubbing type) on the lookout for new paramours and good plastic surgeons, sleazy real estate developers, voodoo queens, and, of course, the titular Bad Monkey,
    Driggs
    (who may or may not have played opposite Johnny Depp in “those pirate movies”).

    It was funny at times, but I just couldn’t latch on to the characters for better or for worse. I’m not writing off Hiaasen (as mentioned, I was forewarned, and if GR did half stars I’d give it a
    2.5
    ), but it felt like a parody that was drawn out just a bit too long.

    So, I guess I’ll leave you with one parting 30 Rock jab (enter Jack, dialing the Everglade State’s 9-1-1):

    “Thank you for calling Florida’s emergency services. If this is regarding an anaconda in a crawl space, press 1. If a sinkhole full of Indian bones has appeared in your living room, press 2. If you want to know why JAG wasn’t on this week, press 3.

    ______________________________________
    † Yes, I am aware that I have used a double negative- it was intentional, and I will sacrifice a lamb, or vegan shoes or whatever to the grammar gods as needed.
    * His “adventures” consist entirely of the (sur)real headlines that come out of the Sunshine State (e.g. “Florida man arrested for throwing dog poop at pregnant girlfriend” [1]; “Florida man attempts to pay water bill with crack cocaine” [2]; “Florida man stabs brother after macaroni and cheese goes missing” [3])
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