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<span id="freeTextContainer11092996478113175649"><b>I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't ask to be some kind of hero.</b><br /><br />But when your whole life gets swept up by a tornado – taking you with it – you have no choice but to go along, you know?<br /><br />Sure, I've read the books. I've seen the movies. I know the song about the rainbow and the happy little bluebirds. But I never expected Oz to look like this. To be a place where Good Witch</span>
<span id="freeText11092996478113175649" style="display:none"><b>I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't ask to be some kind of hero.</b><br /><br />But when your whole life gets swept up by a tornado – taking you with it – you have no choice but to go along, you know?<br /><br />Sure, I've read the books. I've seen the movies. I know the song about the rainbow and the happy little bluebirds. But I never expected Oz to look like this. To be a place where Good Witches can't be trusted, Wicked Witches may just be the good guys, and winged monkeys can be executed for acts of rebellion. There's still a yellow brick road – but even that's crumbling.<br /><br /><b>What happened? Dorothy.</b><br /><br />They say she found a way to come back to Oz. They say she seized power and the power went to her head. And now no one is safe.<br /><br /><b>My name is Amy Gumm – and I'm the other girl from Kansas.</b><br /><br />I've been recruited by the Revolutionary Order of the Wicked.<br /><br />I've been trained to fight.<br /><br /><b>And I have a mission.</b></span>
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<a class="reviewDate createdAt right" href="/review/show/732295221?book_show_action=true">Oct 01, 2013</a>
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<span id="freeTextContainer7225365094334280611">Welcome to Oz. Take a look at the Yellow Brick Road. Like it? Good. Now run away, run faaaaaaaaaaar away. Pray for a tornado to take you back to Kansas, because man, <b>Oz is fucked up as shit.</b><blockquote> <i>&ldquo;Oz has changed,&rdquo; Gert said. &ldquo;The trees don&rsquo;t talk. The Pond of Truth tells lies, the Wandering Water stays put. The Land of Naught is on fire. People are starting to get old. People are forgetting how it used to be.&rdquo;</i> </blockquote>But let's get back to the beginning, what the fuck happened?! How did Oz get to…this?<br><br><img src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/hostedimages/1396499212i/9143853.jpg" class="gr-hostedUserImg"><br><br><u>The</u></span>
<span id="freeText7225365094334280611" style="display:none">Welcome to Oz. Take a look at the Yellow Brick Road. Like it? Good. Now run away, run faaaaaaaaaaar away. Pray for a tornado to take you back to Kansas, because man, <b>Oz is fucked up as shit.</b><blockquote>
<i>&ldquo;Oz has changed,&rdquo; Gert said. &ldquo;The trees don&rsquo;t talk. The Pond of Truth tells lies, the Wandering Water stays put. The Land of Naught is on fire. People are starting to get old. People are forgetting how it used to be.&rdquo;</i>
</blockquote>But let's get back to the beginning, what the fuck happened?! How did Oz get to…this?<br><br><img src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/hostedimages/1396499212i/9143853.jpg" class="gr-hostedUserImg"><br><br><u>The Summary</u>:<blockquote>
<i>Tornado or no tornado, I wasn&rsquo;t Dorothy, and a stupid little storm wasn&rsquo;t going to change anything for me.</i>
</blockquote><b>Amy Gumm is white trash.</b> She lives in a trailer in Kansas, with a drug-addict mom, no dad, and no future. She's stuck with her mom's pet rat named Star that, with her luck, might turn out to be Peter Pettigrew in the long run (I'm just kidding). Life fucking sucks. So when a tornado warning is announced, Amy doesn't really care. What's the worst it could do? Kill her? Life sucks, remember, so who cares about dying? Until well, shit, the tornado actually happens. Hint: it <i>really</i> sucks to be airborne in a metal trailer.<blockquote>
<i>My stomach dropped and kept dropping. I felt my body getting heavier, my back plastered to the cushions now, and suddenly—with a mix of horror and wonder—I knew that I was airborne.<br>The trailer was flying. I could feel it.</i>
</blockquote>She lands, thankfully intact, but it soon became very clear that she's not in Kansas anymore. <blockquote>
<i>&ldquo;Welcome to Oz,&rdquo; the boy said, nodding, like he expected I&rsquo;d figured that out already. It came out sounding almost apologetic, like, Hate to break the bad news.</i>
</blockquote>And yes, <b>Oz is bad news.</b> Cause this ain't your grandmother's <i>Oz</i>. That cute little film with the pretty pretty verdant land of Oz? Nope. <b>This Oz is more post-apocalyptic than fairy-tale.</b><blockquote>
<i>A vast field of decaying grass stretched into the distance. It was gray and patchy and sickly, with the faintest tinge of blue. On the far side of the pit was a dark, sinister-looking forest, black and deep. The air, the clouds, even the sun, which was shining bright, all had a faded, washed-out quality to them. There was something dead about all of it.</i>
</blockquote>After some mysterious parting words, the boy disappears, leaving poor Amy wondering <b>what the actual fuck just happened?</b> So she's alone in a strange land, cute boys appear and disappear out of nowhere. There's a <b>yellow brick road.</b> Should Amy make like Dorothy and follow Der Yellow Brick Road? *angelic choir sings AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH~*<blockquote>
<i>I knew the answer already: what I was going to do next was the same thing I&rsquo;d been doing my whole life.<br>I turned back. Just put one foot in front of the other. Nothing had changed except the color of the road.</i>
</blockquote><b>Fuck, no!!</b> This girl's got some common sense. She doesn't want to go wandering into a nuclear wasteland-Oz. <b>Amy runs away!</b> Bah, unfortunately, there's really nowhere else to go. I mean, think about it, you can either follow the ONE BRIGHT THING in this dilapidated world, or you can go wandering off to fuck-knows-where in the dark scary totally creepy mysterious forest with <b>man-eating corn stalks.</b><blockquote>
<i>Before I could even touch it, a black vine sprung up from the ground and curled around my arm like a whip, squeezing tight. It burned.</i>
</blockquote>*snorts* And I thought High Fructose Corn Syrup was bad.<br><br>Amy follows the road. Reluctantly. Shit's looking reeeeeeeal familiar. There's Glinda, the Good Witch, only she looks like a Stepford Wife with a plastic grin. And apparently plastic grins are a thing in Oz, as a very angry Munchkin sees fit to tell Amy.<blockquote>
<i>Other than the twitching, [her lips] didn&rsquo;t move. At all. Even when she talked.<br>&ldquo;What&rsquo;s with her mouth?&rdquo; I asked Star under my breath.<br>I jumped when an actual voice answered in a hoarse whisper from behind me.<br>&ldquo;(A) it&rsquo;s PermaSmile, and (B) are you out of your dumbass mind?&rdquo;</i>
</blockquote>Ok, so there really ARE munchkiins! Hooray! Except they're really sad munchkins, and <b>to be fair, you would be too if your fellow Munchkins were being imprisoned and made to work their ass off to generate magic all damn day.</b> And the monkeys, the flying monkeys. Fuck, they're now imprisoned, and some of them have had to take drastic actions.<blockquote>
<i>&ldquo;Don&rsquo;t mind those,&rdquo; he explained, seeing the look of confusion on my face. &ldquo;That&rsquo;s just where my wings used to be. Before I cut them off.&rdquo;</i>
</blockquote>So yeah, clearly Oz sucks now. So what happened?!<blockquote>
<i>&ldquo;They talk about Oz where I&rsquo;m from. I&rsquo;ve heard about it my whole life. But this is messed up. What happened here?&rdquo;<br>Indigo&rsquo;s impassive face twisted into a snarl. <b>&ldquo;Dorothy happened,&rdquo;</b> she said.</i>
</blockquote>Oh, Dorothy. The lovely Dorothy. The crazy as shit Dorothy. You know that saying about <b>power going to people's head?</b> Yeah. That's what happened. Dorothy got more cray-cray over the years, and now she's imprisoning people, making poor munchkins work, enslaving flying monkeys, forcing everyone to wear Perma-Smiles like <b>:DDDDDDDDDDD!!1!!1</b> every fucking day. <b>And it's up to Amy to save them all.</b><br><br>Wait, what?! What the actual FUCK?! No! Amy just got here! She doesn't want this shit! She hasn't even graduated from high schoool. What the fuck is this about saving Oz?!<blockquote>
<i>"That&rsquo;s why you&rsquo;re here. We need you to stop her.&rdquo;<br>I sat up straight. I didn&rsquo;t know the first thing about magic. I didn&rsquo;t know the first thing about Dorothy. &ldquo;Me? I just got here. How am I supposed to stop anyone from doing anything?&rdquo;</i>
</blockquote>That's right! You tell them, Amy. I'd run away too. Screw this destiny shit. But there's a sect of people, the <b>Order of the Wicked</b> whose plans are to restore Oz to its former glory. <b>Dorothy has stolen Oz's magic, and they want Amy's help to restore it.</b> So what do they want Amy to do?<blockquote>
<i>&ldquo;Simple. You&rsquo;re going to kill her.&rdquo; She looked right at me and said, &ldquo;Dorothy must die.&rdquo;</i>
</blockquote>MWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA YES KILL THAT BITCH.<br><br><b>Sorry. I get a little excited over murder.</b><br><br>Needless to say, there's a lot of work to be done to take Amy from white-trailer-trash to "Teen assassin." There's going to be <b>magical training, combat training, and tea parties.</b> Yes, tea parties. Don't worry, it's all part of the Master Plan. *cackles*<br><br>Will Amy be able to help the people of Oz? Will she be tempted to make the same choices that Dorothy did?<blockquote>
<i>&ldquo;It&rsquo;s your choice,&rdquo; he said. &ldquo;It&rsquo;s not magic that makes you who you are. It&rsquo;s the choices that you make. Look at Dorothy.&rdquo;<br>&ldquo;What about Dorothy?&rdquo;<br>&ldquo;That&rsquo;s exactly what makes Dorothy evil.&rdquo;</i>
</blockquote><u>The Setting</u>: Just fantastic. This is Tim Burton's <i>Oz</i>.<br><br><img src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/hostedimages/1396499213i/9143854.jpg" class="gr-hostedUserImg"><br><br>I'm not sure if someone has bought the rights to the movie yet, but this is a book that deserves to be visualized. The setting is just beautiful. It is such a dark, twisted version of Oz. There's the beauty and darkness of the land itself, the stunning Emerald City hiding all sorts of horrors. You think you know the <b>Tin Man?</b><blockquote>
<i>His oversize jaw jutted out from the rest of his face in a nasty underbite, revealing a mess of little blades where his teeth should have been.</i>
</blockquote>The Scarecrow? The Lion? Not these versions. The Lion and his army of rabid animals (including a giant fucking murderous bunny) will eat you up. Get ready because people will die.<br><br><img src="https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/hostedimages/1396499214i/9143855.jpg" class="gr-hostedUserImg"><br><br>This book is so dark. The characters are so angry, with good reasons. So many have been enslaved, so many have been killed, sacrificed at the whim of Dorothy and her gang. Yes, there are munchkins, but munchkins have family, friends, loved ones who have died, too.<blockquote>
<i>&ldquo;You asked why they work for her,&rdquo; she said. &ldquo;You asked why the Munchkins don&rsquo;t just tell Glinda to fuck off and take her machine somewhere else.&rdquo;<br>&ldquo;Yeah. I was wondering that. Maybe it was stupid of me.&rdquo;<br>&ldquo;It was,&rdquo; Indigo said, shooting me an annoyed look. &ldquo;Do you think they have a choice?"</i>
</blockquote>They cannot stand up against the power of those with magic. Hell, even the trees aren't allowed to be happy.<blockquote>
<i>&ldquo;Did that tree just move?&rdquo;<br>&ldquo;They talk, too, but they&rsquo;ve taken a vow of silence.&rdquo;<br>&ldquo;Voluntarily?&rdquo;<br>&ldquo;The princess felt that their conversation ruined the apple-eating experience and was therefore a violation of the Happiness Decree.&rdquo;</i>
</blockquote><u>Dorothy</u>: My one complaint here is that Dorothy looks like a slut. Really, was it necessary to have Dorothy the Evil resemble a street walker? But man, her appearance is deceiving.<blockquote>
<i>Instead of farm-girl cotton it was silk and chiffon. The cut was somewhere between haute couture and French hooker. The bodice nipped, tucked, and lifted. There was cleavage.<br>Lots of cleavage.</i>
</blockquote><b>Don't be fooled by her appearance, Dorothy is twisted.</b> It takes brains and manipulation and power to get as far as she did in the land of Oz. She commands her minions, the Tin Woodman, the Scarecrow, Glinda…etc, and they, in turn, command their own army. Dorothy may be vain, but power gets to people's head, and before you know it, they turn crazy. And yep, that's what happened. I'm not fond of the fact that Dorothy is pictured to be so vain, but underneath all that, there's sheer madness. And I can totally understand why she hates Amy so much.<blockquote>
<i>Dorothy&rsquo;s face was burning with aggrieved rage. &ldquo;I am the only one. There can only be one.&rdquo;<br>My gut twisted. I understood. We had the same story. It was like we were wearing the same dress to the prom. Dorothy thought her landing here was fate—that it made her special. Another girl from Kansas meant that it was just a regular occurrence and that she wasn&rsquo;t special at all. Or—worse—that I was here to take her place.</i>
</blockquote>She loves torturing animals, and there was a scene involving a mouse that was truly painful to read. Look up psychopath, that's Dorothy in a nutshell.<br><br><u>Amy</u>: Amy is the kind of character that I love; she feels <b>realistic</b>. Yes, she does heroic things sometimes, like rescue people she really shouldn't be rescuing, but she <b>acknowledges</b> her stupidity. She is <b>not TSTL</b>, she sometimes has a few mean thoughts, and she gets a little mouthy and talks back when she's nervous. The difference between Amy and other bitchy YA characters is that <b>Amy is never malicious</b>. She's just kind of a jerk sometimes, like me.<br><br>Amy also has a tendency to get scared, to <b>run away</b>. And that's just fine with me. She's not perfect.<blockquote>
<i>Why did I hesitate? Was I that weak?<br>I told myself that I didn&rsquo;t want to ruin the Order&rsquo;s plans—they&rsquo;d told me to wait—but I knew that wasn&rsquo;t entirely it. I&rsquo;d chickened out.</i>
</blockquote>I understand perfectly. I'm a wimp. I like the normal, the routine, if you hand me a Special Destiny, fuck no, you can take my destiny and you can have it. I just want to read books and be mean.<br><br>Amy actually <b>trains</b> for her skills, for her magic. It doesn't come to her naturally. <b>She also doesn't hesitate to kill.</b> Can I get a fuck yeah?<blockquote>
<i>I sliced diagonally across his chest and then drew the knife out only to plunge it right back in, drawing an X along his left side with the blade.</i>
</blockquote><u>Final comments</u>: Reader beware that this is the first installment in the series, so expect a lot of world building, a lot of plot development, but not a lot of resolution. <b>This book is a setup for the eventual showdown.</b><br><br>There is romance, but it's light. Amy has a crush, there is a hot guy in the book, but the romance is very light and it didn't bother me. The plot takes priority.<br><br>Overall: Highly recommended.</span>
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<a class="reviewDate createdAt right" href="/review/show/796633114?book_show_action=true">Dec 21, 2013</a>
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<a class="actionLinkLite" href="/review/list/4622890-emily-may?shelf=coverly-love">coverly-love</a>,
<a class="actionLinkLite" href="/review/list/4622890-emily-may?shelf=2014">2014</a>
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<span id="freeTextContainer6366592707355741856"><i> <b>"I realized, looking around for the first time, that we weren&rsquo;t in Dusty Acres anymore."</b> </i><br><br><b>Disappointment #1:</b> This book was extremely <u>boring</u> for about 80% of the 432 pages. I was tempted to call it slow at first because it certainly felt like it, but I guess stuff was constantly happening – I just didn't care about any of it. Occasionally I would perk up because I read an interesting page and then I would go back to forcing myself to absorb the words properly. It was a lengthy and difficult slog,</span>
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<b>"I realized, looking around for the first time, that we weren&rsquo;t in Dusty Acres anymore."</b>
</i><br><br><b>Disappointment #1:</b> This book was extremely <u>boring</u> for about 80% of the 432 pages. I was tempted to call it slow at first because it certainly felt like it, but I guess stuff was constantly happening – I just didn't care about any of it. Occasionally I would perk up because I read an interesting page and then I would go back to forcing myself to absorb the words properly. It was a lengthy and difficult slog, despite the exciting premise.<br><br><b>Disappointment #2:</b> The quirky Tim Burton-esque Oz didn't work for me. The strong beginning made me wonder if this was actually a contemporary novel with <i>The Wizard of Oz</i> parallels and metaphors woven into it – well, I think that would have been a better book. The story is about Amy Gumm who has grown up in a trailer park with a mother who is slipping further into a drug-induced oblivion. She has been called "trash" her whole life by other kids at school and the teachers never believe her side of the story because they know all too well who her mother is.<br><br>Amy is exactly the kind of character I enjoy reading about. The kind who is realistically flawed, complex, well-rounded and interesting. She's had it rough enough that you feel sympathy towards her, but she's no sappy pushover either. I was instantly intrigued – captivated even – by her life, by her relationship with her mother, by the sad loneliness she obviously felt… then she got tornadoed out of Dusty Acres and into Oz and that's when everything went downhill.<br><br><i>
<b>"This wasn&rsquo;t the Oz that I had read about or seen in the movie. It was as if someone had drained out some of the Technicolor and introduced some serious darkness."</b>
</i><br><br>I lost all connection with Amy and her story when she landed in Oz and began moving from one group of people I didn't care about to another. In this version of the story, Dorothy returned to Oz from Kansas because she found our world lackluster in comparison. Caught up in a world of magic where she was deemed a hero, Dorothy was soon appointed Princess of Oz and became obsessed with the power awarded to her. Dorothy proves the saying that power corrupts and begins slowly terrorizing the land and people. And it is up to Amy Gumm to stop her. Honestly? I think an interesting character like Amy Gumm is wasted on a quirky fantasy filled with odd laws (reminiscent of Lewis Carroll's Wonderland) and Permasmile lipstick.<br><br>It was almost like it tried so hard to be quirky and weird, that I could see right through the charade. And the reality was dull.<br><br><b>Disappointment #3:</b> Instalove or instaromance or instaangst. Who cares, anyway? People and talking animals are being tortured, the world is in peril, your life is in danger… d'ya think you could control your bloody hormones for a sec? Or at the very least stop getting unreasonably jealous at really inappropriate times. I swear some potentially excellent scenes are ruined by petty jealousies and romantic angst. I want magic and nastiness and darkness and twists! Not young lovin'.<br><br><b>Disappointment #4:</b> <u>Dorothy doesn't even fucking die.</u> It's all lies! You better be prepared for that sequel! Or two. Or three. Maybe it'll never end. I'll be walking around with a zimmer frame* and that bitch Dorothy will still be alive. I wish you luck if you're continuing on this journey, but it's time for me to bow out. I'm glad it's over.<br><br>………………………………………………………………………<br>*Apparently it's called a walker! <s>Jeez, bloody Americans.</s> Thanks <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/4527753-khanh-destroyer-of-dreams" rel="nofollow">Khanh</a>! :D<br><br><a href="https://www.leafmarks.com/lm/#/users/10010/profile" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">
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<a style="font-weight:bold" href="/user/show/41164406-amelia">AMELIA</a>
<span id="freeTextContainer743564552218663156">I called it quits early on. Wish I had seen your review before I started it :).</span>
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Feb 08, 2018 10:21AM
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<a style="font-weight:bold" href="/user/show/30113395-mya">Mya</a>
<span id="freeTextContainer4144202909239253774">I like how honest you were in this review. Most of the people I talked to absolutely adored this book, and they would all disagree with me when I said</span>
<span id="freeText4144202909239253774" style="display:none">I️ like how honest you were in this review. Most of the people I️ talked to absolutely adored this book, and they would all disagree with me when I️ said I️ thought the book was very slow. Although, I️ guess it made sense with the whole plot that needed to be developed. I️ agree with your points tho, I&rsquo;m thinking of moving to second book, but not sure yet.</span>
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Feb 27, 2018 10:31AM
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<a class="reviewDate createdAt right" href="/review/show/899618767?book_show_action=true">Apr 03, 2014</a>
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marked it as stahp
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<span id="freeTextContainer12387625862738364198">I won't be reading this. Not because of the author, but because of this: <br /><br /><a target="_blank" href="http://bibliodaze.com/2014/04/say-no-to-james-frey-why-im-boycotting-full-fathom-five/" rel="nofollow">http://bibliodaze.com/2014/04/say-no-…</a></span>
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