Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare Download (read online) free eBook .pdf.epub.kindle

Julius Caesar

The Oxford School Shakespeare has become the preferred introduction to the literary legacy of the greatest playwright in the English language. This exclusive collection of the Bard’s best works has been designed specifically for readers new to Shakespeare’s rich literary legacy. Each play is presented complete and unabridged, in large print. Every book is well illustrated,

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    Madeline

    Dec 29, 2008

    rated it
    really liked it

    Shelves:
    shakespeare

    Julius Caesar, abridged:

    BRUTUS: I love Caesar!

    CASSIUS: He’s a power-hungry bastard. I think we should kill him.

    BRUTUS: Dude, we totally should.

    DECIUS: Happy Ides of March, Caesar. Ready to go to the Senate?

    CAESAR: I dunno. My wife just had a dream about you and the rest of the senators washing their hands in my blood, so I think I’m going to call in sick today.

    DECIUS: Okay, I’ll just tell the guys that you’re a pussy who lets his wife tell him what to do. They’ll understand.

    CAESAR: I’ll get

    BRUTUS: I love Caesar!

    CASSIUS: He’s a power-hungry bastard. I think we should kill him.

    BRUTUS: Dude, we totally should.

    DECIUS: Happy Ides of March, Caesar. Ready to go to the Senate?

    CAESAR: I dunno. My wife just had a dream about you and the rest of the senators washing their hands in my blood, so I think I’m going to call in sick today.

    DECIUS: Okay, I’ll just tell the guys that you’re a pussy who lets his wife tell him what to do. They’ll understand.

    CAESAR: I’ll get my coat.

    *Caesar skips off to the Senate, confident in the knowledge that he’s in a Shakespeare play, where dreams don’t predict anything and main characters never get offed*

    CAESAR: Hey, why didn’t anyone tell me it was Bring A Dagger To Work Day?

    THE ENTIRE FUCKING SENATE: WE KEEL YOU!

    CASSIUS: Good, he’s dead. Now to hold a huge funeral and let his best friend deliver the eulogy to the large, violence-prone mob.

    BRUTUS: Cool. Take it away, Antony!

    ANTONY: So the guys who killed Caesar aren’t bad guys, really…

    CROWD: WOOOO! WE LOVE BRUTUS!

    ANTONY: …but Caesar was generous and humble and basically god on earth, and they totally killed him in cold blood.

    CROWD: RAAAAAAA! KILL THEM ALL!!! *grabs torches and pitchforks and kills fucking everyone, including a random poet who has the same name as one of the conspirators. I’m not even joking.*

    BRUTUS: Man, ruling Rome was a lot more fun when we weren’t being invaded by Octavius.

    CAESAR’S GHOST: BOOGEDY BOOGEDY BOOGEDY! AVENGE…oh, wrong play. Uh…BOOGEDY!

    BRUTUS: Oh, hey Caesar.

    CAESAR’S GHOST: Uh…that’s it? Not even an “eek?” Fine, whatever. I’m going to see you a second time, by the way. BOOGEDY!

    BRUTUS: Huh. That was weird.

    CASSIUS: GOD DAMMIT WE’RE LOSING THE WAR! I AM OVER THIS SHIT. Hey you, hold my sword while I impale myself.

    SERVANT: Sure thing.

    CASSIUS: *dies*

    BRUTUS: Let’s see: Rome is being destroyed, all my friends have either been killed or comitted suicide, my wife just poisoned herself, and I’m about to be captured by enemy soldiers. *turns to audience* HEY, DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?

    AUDIENCE: SUICIDE TIME!

    BRUTUS: THAT’S RIGHT! *dies*

    THE END.
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    Bill  Kerwin

    May 12, 2007

    rated it
    it was amazing


    In the course of teaching high school sophomores for thirty years, I have read Julius Caesar more than thirty times, and I never grow tired of its richness of detail or the complexity of its characters. Almost every year, I end up asking myself the same simple question–“Whom do I like better? Cassius or Brutus?”–and almost every year my answer is different from what it was the year before.

    On one hand, we have Cassius, the selfish, manipulative conspirator who, after the assassination, shows h

    On one hand, we have Cassius, the selfish, manipulative conspirator who, after the assassination, shows himself to be an impulsive, loyal friend and an able politician, and, on the other hand, Brutus, the conscientious intellectual and lover of the republic who becomes, under the weight of his guilt, an irritatingly scrupulous moralist and an inept general more concerned with reputation than success. And then of course there is Antony: brilliant, vicious, unscrupulous, and ultimately as unknowable as a tornado.

    This is a great play about politics and human character.
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    Jeffrey Keeten

    Nov 29, 2015

    rated it
    really liked it

     · 
    review of another edition

    Shelves:
    shakespeare

    “Cowards die many times before their deaths;
    The valiant never taste of death but once.
    Of all the wonders that I yet have heard,
    It seems to me most strange that men should fear;
    Seeing that death, a necessary end,
    Will come when it will come.”

     photo Julius20Caesar_zpsap29yzzn.jpg

    Beware the Ides of March. Beware to those that have aspirations to rule. You may encounter many enemies. People who will thwart your plans. People quite possibly afraid of your genius. People suffering from delusions of grandeur.

    I always say keep an

    “Cowards die many times before their deaths;
    The valiant never taste of death but once.
    Of all the wonders that I yet have heard,
    It seems to me most strange that men should fear;
    Seeing that death, a necessary end,
    Will come when it will come.”


     photo Julius20Caesar_zpsap29yzzn.jpg

    Beware the Ides of March. Beware to those that have aspirations to rule. You may encounter many enemies. People who will thwart your plans. People quite possibly afraid of your genius. People suffering from delusions of grandeur.

    I always say keep an eye on the son of your favorite squeeze.

    Marcus Junius Brutus, what a fickle man, you are running around like a plucked chicken looking for your missing head. ”He seems completely blind to reality, an ineffectual idealist whose idealism cannot prevent him from committing a senseless and terrible crime.” You let the insidious Cassius fill your ear with dilettante, conspiratorial nonsense. ”Cadaverous and hungry-looking, much given to brooding, and a great reader; a scorner of sports and light diversions, a very shrewd judge of human nature, and deeply envious of those who are greater than himself.” So the question remains, is Cassius the shrewd judge of character, capable of seeing the future, or is he the man consumed by jealousy who wants to see the mighty Julius Caesar fall?


     photo Brutus_zpsra4tv42g.jpg

    You fell for that first man of Rome, the republic is your responsibility, and all that. As it turns out, you aren’t the only dagger maestro in your family. Gaius Servilius Structus Ahala, a distant relative of yours, saved Rome from another tyrant named Spurius Maelius. Of course, that is all in the far distant past and might even be a myth, but Cassius knows the right buttons to push.

    ”And therefore think him as a serpent’s egg,
    Which, hatch’d, would, as his kind, grow mischievous,
    And kill him in the shell.”

    You might have said the line Brutus, but the stench of it, the green gray smoke of it, smacks of Cassius. Wouldn’t it have been more prudent to see what Caesar intended to do with his power before you stab, stab, STABBED him to death?

    “Et tu, Brute?”

    That must have felt like a punch in the gut given that you had his blood all over your sword and hands at the time. Caesar’s parting guilt laden gift to you. I’m just putting a few thoughts out there in the wind. How’d you feel about Caesar putting the sausage to your mother? Did the bedposts banging against the wall feel like a drummer hammering your skull? Maybe Cassius doesn’t have to be that convincing.


     photo Gaius_Cassius_Longinus_zpsih0pwx23.jpg

    Cassius

    It must have been a real kick in the subligaculum when that hack William Shakespeare named the play after Julius Caesar. My god, man, you have four times the lines, and for most of the play Caesar is nothing more than an apparition. An annoying apparition, by the way, who keeps showing up at the most inconvenient times and saying things like, ”Let loose the dogs of war.”

    Letting Marc Antony live was probably a mistake. He isn’t the brightest star in the firmament, but he is a brave soldier. A good leader, but better as number two than number one. You aren’t really a mad dog killer after all, so the thought of killing Antony is like crunching on the bones of a stale dormouse.

    ”Of course will seem too bloody, Caius Cassius,
    To cut the head off and then hack the limbs,
    Like wrath in death and envy afterwards;
    For Antony is but a limb of Caesar.
    Let’s be sacrificers, but not butchers, Caius.
    We all stand up against the spirit of Caesar.”

    Magnanimous of you, Brutus. Well said, but did you think ZOINKS after Antony dropped that rap battle speech at Caesar’s funeral.


     photo Marc20Antony_zpsa1mye21o.jpg

    Marc Antony

    ”Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
    I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
    The evil that men do lives after them;
    The good is oft interred with their bones;
    So let it be with Caesar. The noble Brutus
    Hath told you Caesar was ambitious:
    If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
    And grievously hath Caesar answer’d it.
    Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest–
    For Brutus is an honourable man;
    So are they all, all honourable men–

    You remember the one, right? The speech where he basically calls you a douche bag under the guise of singing your praises.

    I’m not going to talk about the disaster at the battle of Philippi. I think that might have been where the term Caesar salad came into common usage. Marc Antony and Octavius join forces and break the will of your men. We are all ready, way past ready, for you to fall on your own sword. In fact, I would have happily given you a firm Caligae to the arse if you needed a little extra encouragement.

    If you wish to see more of my most recent book and movie reviews, visit http://www.jeffreykeeten.com
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    …more